


and so i wrote home to you

by idontknowhattochoose



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Baltimore, Letters, M/M, No beta we die like riko, Song fic, but not really, how doth one tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:00:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27766411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idontknowhattochoose/pseuds/idontknowhattochoose
Summary: In which Lola sends a little more than a countdown, Neil gets Andrew to break their deal before the bus, and knowing his father is coming for him, he writes a letter.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 4
Kudos: 118





	and so i wrote home to you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [icklediddykins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icklediddykins/gifts).



> I never planned on writing another fic but this basically came to me in a vision (see: I listened to a song and thought of this) so now we’re here. This is so incredibly OOC I’m so sorry and is also an au where Neil isn’t our favorite oblivious idiot and realizes Andrew is lying when he says it’s nothing.  
> The song in question that I also listened to on repeat while writing:  
> [Rory by Foxing](https://open.spotify.com/track/0TnCrXaJoS0SqT3IZbsBG5?si=Ow_I9y3ZTtS0rFlwcElN3w)
> 
> Also this one that joined it halfway through:  
> [You by Keaton Henson](https://open.spotify.com/track/5R2YoUm4YFex1JaecdJs0h?si=N03nrQbsQJ-hphHUhXjimg)

The night Neil receives the “1”, he already knows it’s a countdown. To what he hasn’t figured out, but there isn’t much Riko can do before they face each other in the championship match. But for the first time, another message follows the sobering number. “We’re on our way Junior, see you soon – Lola.” Once again Neil’s mind fills with static and screams, and he’s glad Matt isn’t in the suite when the new message comes through. He doesn’t know how long he sits there staring at the wall, but hearing the door click open startles him out of his thoughts and he quickly schools his expression back into something resembling neutral as Matt returns with dinner. If Matt notices something is off, he doesn’t mention it, but Neil’s mind is racing with possibilities and weighing options the whole night. He knows Lola said not to tell anyone, but he thinks it won’t matter much after he’s dead.

He knows what’s coming, and he knows he can’t outrun it this time, so when Matt finally goes to sleep that night, he writes.

When Kevin comes to pick him up for night practice he tucks the note into his pillow next to his contact case and focuses on playing.

* * *

The bus ride to Binghamton is tense with anticipation, but Neil is less worried about making it through this game than he is about the “0” on his phone burning a hole through his pocket. 

Later, he’ll say “Anything”, but he doesn’t mention he won’t be around to fulfill his promise.

Getting the call from Lola is still mind-numbing. Though he was expecting it he still has to push down his immediate response to run. He’s determined, he has to do this to save the team, to save Andrew.

Walking into the lounge only solidifies his determination. Seeing his team, tired and happy from another win, he knows he would do anything to keep them safe. He looks to each of their faces, memorizing what he can without seeming suspicious. Too soon, Jackson calls from in front of the door, and the Foxes gather their bags and make their way to the exit. Neil stays to the back so he can keep watch over them and quickly shoves his keys, phone, and the folded up note with Andrew shakily written on the front into his duffel pocket. He’s expecting it when Romero and Jackson haul him away, but he can’t help but struggle against them to get to his team and help them fight against the onslaught of angry fans. By the time they push him into the car and he’s face to face with Lola, all he can hope is that Andrew doesn’t burn the letter before reading it.

* * *

When the riot is finally under control and Wymack is trying to get his team accounted for they immediately know Neil is missing. Andrew is already walking away to search him out in the lingering crowd, Wymack calling out to him as he puts his phone to his ear to check local hospitals. He can here footsteps behind him, but he doesn’t respond when Kevin calls his name. Seeing Neil’s bag and racquet—scuffed and torn lying on the asphalt—sends his mind spiraling with possibilities. He knows Neil would never give up that bag, even if he was carted away to a hospital. Andrew’s running before his mind has caught up with his body, and then he’s crouching in front of Neil’s bag and Kevin is saying something behind him but its all static, because Neil’s gone but his bag is here. His bag that holds all of his possessions. His bag that he holds to him and never let’s go of like it’s an extra limb. And his dumb stickball racquet is scuffed and missing paint and strings and Andrew is standing, tension is his shoulders as he surveys the parking lot for a shock of red hair. Kevin is speaking again, and this time Andrew listens because he’s pulling something out of Neil’s bag and looking at Andrew with wide eyes. It’s a square of folded paper, and as he hands it over Andrew sees his name written on it. In Kevin’s other hand is a set of keys, ones he knows are Neil because there is the spare key to his Maserati clutched in Kevin’s grip. Andrew unfolds the paper and is met with Neil’s horrible scrawl. He reads it quickly, barely registers Kevin asking what it says and the rest of the team coming up behind him, watching expectantly. He reads it again, because it can’t possibly be true and Andrew’s going to kill Neil when he finds him, bury that stupid junkie six feet under where he can’t make Andrew feel like this. And he feels so much, so much anger and panic and fear and it isn’t supposed to be like this, he was supposed to protect him, no matter that they broke their deal. So he reads it again, carefully this time, paying attention to every detail and making sure Neil wrote this himself.

* * *

_Andrew,_

_I know you’ll hate to hear it, but I’m sorry it had to come to this. I hoped to tell you this in person when the year was up, to give you the full story I should have told you months ago, but it seems my year ended earlier than expected and desperate times call for desperate measures. I was already resigned to this ending but I want you to know that I didn’t run, that I would never run. Not now._

_I’ll have to keep this short, I only have so much time before night practice. You already know my first name, but my full name is Nathaniel Wesninski, and my father is the Butcher of Baltimore. My mother and I have been on the run from him since I was 10, but when he caught up with us in Seattle she was killed and my father was arrested on minor charges. I made my way to Millport and tried out for the Exy team, and you know the rest. Riko knew who I was at the fall banquet because my father is the Moriyama’s executioner and he changed my appearance over Christmas hoping I would be found. I was too caught up with the Foxes and didn’t know my father was granted parole until he caught up with me. I’ve known this was coming for a while, and I broke our deal to keep you safe. To keep everyone safe. He will kill all of you to get to me._

_Remember walking around the court while you and Renee argued how to survive the zombie apocalypse? You said you would come back for five of us._

_I didn’t answer at the time because I knew I wouldn’t come back for anyone. At that point I would have cut and run and never looked back._

_But now I want to come back for you, and this is the only way I know to stop running._

_Thank you for all of it, the keys, the trust, and the kisses. I’m sorry Andrew. I hope you know, you’re amazing._

_Neil Josten ___

* * *

Neil is losing himself. He distracts himself from the pain lacing up his arms and cheeks and thinks about Andrew, about his Foxes. He loses himself in the memory of their smiling faces and Andrew’s bruising kisses. He hopes he finds his letter—that he reads it and one day forgives him for breaking his promise. He wishes he could have given him that _anything_. He thinks of Andrew, and he wishes Neil Josten goodbye. 

* * *

The team is waiting for him to look up and explain whatever Andrew just read, but he can’t, because if he speaks it, it’s true, and it isn’t, it can’t be. And Andrew feels sick, because this letter was for him, Neil gave these secrets to him, but the team is looking at him with hopeful eyes and someone has to tell them that Neil is gone. That their precious striker is _dead_. Andrew can’t do that because he won’t believe it. So when Kevin reaches for the letter he lets it go and watches his eyes scan the page. “No,” he whispers, “his father is still in prison, this shouldn’t be happening until the end of the year,” he says with more confidence. And Andrew sees red. He hears the team yelling behind him, but all he can feel is Kevin’s neck under his palms and the anger because he knew, he _knew_ this was going to happen and he _lied_. Hands grab at him and pull him off and Kevin is staggering back with a wild look in his eyes. “You knew,” he snarls, pulling against the arms still restraining him “You knew this would happen and you said nothing, you lied to me and let him go!” Kevin opens his mouth to protest but Dan cuts in before he can speak. 

“What do you mean let him go? What does that letter say?” 

“Neil is gone,” Kevin rasps, still taking in deep gasps of breath. “His father found him and he’s gone.” 

“Who’s his father? How do we get him back?” It’s Matt speaking this time, eyes flitting between Kevin and Andrew. 

Kevin eyes are unfocused as he turns to Wymack, shifting his gaze down. “Let’s go back to the bus, I’ll explain everything I can.” 

Andrew is done with this conversation, he has to move, has to find Neil. But he has nowhere to go, so he grabs the letter from Kevin and stalks back to the bus, disregarding Nicky’s calls and settling himself against the side. Kevin begins his story, talking in low tones to avoid any fans hearing. He speaks of confrontations at the banquet and promises made at the court late at night. Promises to see Neil through the year just like Andrew had, but Kevin knew how it would end. Kevin tells what he knows of Nathaniel Wesninski and his father, the right hand of the Moriyamas, the Butcher of Baltimore. Andrew knew all of this in bits and pieces, truths shared between cigarette smoke and the final piece he was just given in Neil’s letter to complete the puzzle. He knew Neil wasn’t just gone, he knew they wouldn’t be getting him back. So he looks past the hopeful looks the Foxes are still giving Kevin to the stadium and tunes out their conversation. Hours later he sits on the bus as Wymack’s phone begins to ring, sees his surprised expression as he hangs up and turns to the team. 

“That was the FBI, they’ve found Neil. He’s in Baltimore, alive.” 

The bus erupts with startled shouts of relief and Andrew would already be driving if he had his Maserati. 

* * *

When Nathaniel wakes in a hospital bed he wonders if Andrew read his letter. The FBI agents in his room have questions, but first he needs to see his team, his family. So he makes a deal, 20 minutes for all the information he has. It isn’t enough time, but as they drive him to a non-descript motel he’s already had time to prepare how to say goodbye. 

The Foxes aren’t happy to hear they only have 20 minutes with Nathaniel, but him walking into the motel room stops their protest in they’re tracks. He studies their faces much like he did in the locker room, and finds only seven of them. 

He manages a “Where’s And—“before there’s a loud crash from behind him. 

By the time Nathaniel turns Andrew is already inches from of him. He barely processes Wymack being pulled along before Andrew’s hand is on his neck and pushing him to the carpeted floor of the motel room. Andrew follows him onto his knees and pulls him forward until their foreheads are resting together. Nathaniel closes his eyes and takes in deep, measured breaths, taking in Andrew’s presence before its gone forever. Everything he’s prepared himself to say disappears from his mind now that Andrew is here in front of him. He keeps his injured hands cradled in his lap, knowing Andrew won’t want to touch any more than this right now. When the weight of Andrew’s hand leaves his neck he opens his eyes to Andrew leaning back on his heels, his hand coming around to pull at Nathaniel’s bandages. Tension winds tight in Andrew’s shoulders when white bandages reveal carefully carved lines and burned skin. He reaches back up after carefully setting the bandages down to grab hold of Nathaniel’s chin. Nathaniel lets his face be guided back and forth before Andrew drops his hand to tangle in the collar of his hoodie. 

“You idiot.” He growls. 

“This is the last time I’m going to say it to you,” Kurt said, coming up to stand besides Browning. “If you can’t stow that attitude and behave—“ 

“You’ll what, asshole?” 

“Same goes for you Nathaniel,” Browning said. “That’s your second strike, one more and this is over, remember you're only here because we’re allowing it.” 

Andrew moves to get up so Nathaniel moves his hands to frame his face, calling his attention back to Nathaniel’s eyes. When he is sure Andrew isn’t going to move he turns to glare at Browning. 

“Don’t lie to a liar,” He bites out. “We both know I’m here because you have nothing without me. A pile of dead bodies can’t close cases. I told you what that would cost and you agreed to pay it. So take these handcuffs off and stop wasting my twenty minutes.” 

Silence fell as Browning motioned to Kurt to unlock the cuff. Andrew flexed his hand a few times once it was free and let it drop to his lap. 

“So the attitude problem wasn’t an act, at least,” Andrew said. 

“I was going to tell you, but they were in our locker room.” 

A sudden “They who?” from behind Andrew startles Nathaniel. He switches to German, Browning will get his answers later, he doesn’t have long to say goodbye and even less patience to deal with their useless posturing. 

“Those weren’t security guards that came for us. They were there for me, and I couldn’t let them get to you. I thought if I kept my mouth shut I could keep you safe,” he continues, looking over Andrew’s bruised face. “I didn’t know they’d stage a riot.” 

“What did I tell you about playing the martyr card?” Andrew asked. 

“You said no one wanted it,” Nathaniel answered. “You didn’t tell me to stop.” 

“It was implied.” 

“I’m stupid remember? I need things spelled out.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Am I at ninety-four yet?” 

“You are at one hundred,” Andrew said. “What happened to your face?” 

Nathaniel swallowed and spoke lowly, knowing they weren’t the only ones in the room who spoke German. “A dashboard lighter.” 

Andrew’s face remained blank, but his eyes darkened as he looked over Nathaniel’s ruined cheeks. 

“And where is your father now?” 

“My uncle executed him.” Nathaniel brings his hand up to press to fingers to Andrew’s chest. “I spent my whole life wishing he was dead. I can’t believe it was that easy.” 

“Was it easy? Kevin told us who he worked for.” Andrew asked. 

“My uncle said he was going to negotiate a ceasefire. I don’t know if it will work but I’d like to think he wouldn’t have risked it. Did anyone say anything to the FBI?” 

“No one’s said a word to them since they said we couldn’t see you.” Nathaniel’s heart jumped at that and he lowered his gaze. He tried to speak but had to clear the shame and guilt from his throat before he could. 

“But why? I’ve done nothing but lie to them and put them in danger. Why protect me after everything?” 

“You are a Fox.” Andrew says, like it’s that simple. 

“Andrew, they’re going to take me away from here, so my father’s people can’t find me.” He knows there is nothing he can do, knows he is too dangerous to stay. That these are his last moments with his Foxes, with Andrew. 

“You aren’t going anywhere. You’re staying with us. If they try to take you, they will lose,” Andrew says in English, hooking his hand tighter in Nathaniel’s hoodie. 

The Foxes had been quiet up until that point, but now Nathaniel hears Dan shoot up of the bed behind him. “Take you away,” she asks. “To where?” 

“For questioning, and into Witness Protection as soon as possible.” Browning answers. “When people find out who he is and that he’s still alive, they will come for him. It’s not safe for anyone to be near him when that happens.” 

Nicky spoke up from his spot by the window. “You can’t have him, he belongs with us,” voice ragged from crying. 

The Foxes continue to argue with Browning behind him. Nathaniel shifted forward and began to speak in low tones, making sure only Andrew would hear. 

“I can’t stay Andrew, my father’s men will come for me. I’m a danger to everyone.” Nathaniel says, dropping his gaze to his lap. 

“You said you wanted to come back for me. Was that just another lie?” 

Nathaniel’s eyes shoot up to Andrew’s, widening in surprise. “You found my letter.” 

Andrew leaned further forward, pulling a folded square of paper from his back pocket and dropping it over Nathaniel’s bandaged hands. “Kevin found it in your bag, no one else read it but me and him.” 

“I had to explain what I could, I needed you to know I didn’t run,” he whispers. 

“And you couldn’t tell me before you disappeared.” 

“It was too dangerous when I knew who was coming for me,” Nathaniel explains. 

Wymack cut in from behind Andrew, “Neil, what do you want?” Looking up at him and Browning, it seemed the team was still arguing to keep him. 

Focusing back on hazel eyes, he thought of his letter. How he would give anything to stay if they would have him. “I want—I know I shouldn’t stay, but I can’t—I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to be Nathaniel anymore. I want to be Neil again.” 

“Good,” Wymack said. “I’d have a hell of a time fitting Wesninski on a jersey.” 

Browning looked incredibly irritated. “I would like a word with you about your willingness to put your team in considerable danger,” he said, rubbing his temples. 

“Giving up on Neil goes against everything we are, but we can continue to argue but not if it’s using up Neil’s allotted time.” Wymack said. 

Turning back to Andrew, Nathaniel begins again in German. “They’re waiting for answers. They were never able to charge my father while he was alive. They’re hoping I know enough to decimate him and his circle. I’m going to give them the truth, the full story I wasn’t able to give in my letter. Do you want to be there for it?” 

“I have to go,” Andrew said. “I don’t trust them to give you back.” 

Andrew lets go of him to stand, carefully pocketing the letter from Nathaniel’s lap. Nathaniel got up and looked to Wymack and the Foxes. “I’m sorry, I should have told you, but I couldn’t.” 

“Don’t worry about that now,” Wymack answered. “Twenty minutes isn’t near long enough for this conversation. We can talk on the ride back to campus, right?” 

“Yes, I promise. I just have to talk to them first.” 

“Then go,” Dan said. “But come back to us as soon as they’re done with you, okay? We’ll figure this out as a team.” 

“As a family,” Nicky cut in, attempting a smile through tear lined eyes. 

“Thank you.” He said. 

* * *

When they had made it back to the hotel after hours of questioning and Abby had cleaned and bandaged his wounds, Andrew and Neil were finally given a few minutes alone while the rest of the team was rounded up. Sitting facing each other on one of the beds, Andrew broke the heavy silence between them. 

“You broke our deal.” Andrew deadpanned. 

“Yes.” 

“You broke our deal _knowing they were coming._ ” 

“Yes.” 

Andrew huffed, annoyed with Neil’s deflection.“Care to explain?” 

“I already told you Andrew, I knew they would do anything to get to me. They would kill the whole team, kill you, with no hesitation. I couldn’t let that happen.” 

“So you decided you should die instead? Hand yourself over to the people you spent 10 years running from? I told you no one likes a martyr, you should have come to me.” 

“I couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ , be able to live with myself if they had gotten to you. To anyone. I made that deal when Riko was the only real threat. You didn’t sign up for Nathan and his circle. No matter how much you want to believe it, how much _I_ wanted to believe it, I knew you couldn’t protect me from him without losing.” 

“That wasn’t your decision to make. I agreed to protect you.” 

“And I said I wouldn’t stand down if it meant losing you.” Neil said. 

Andrew looked annoyed at the line, but pulled the letter from his back pocket again and settled it in Neil’s freshly bandaged hands. “You said you broke our deal knowing what would happen.” he said. 

Neil looked to Andrew’s steady gaze for reassurance and told his last truth, “I didn’t know who it was until that last day, and I just—I needed you to know that I didn’t run. That even when I didn’t make it back that I wanted to stay with the Foxes, with you. If there was nothing else I could do, I could at least do that,” he said, fidgeting with the edges of the paper. He didn’t bother unfolding it, they both knew what was written there. The letter seemed heavy in his hands. 

He thought of their truth game, and huffed a laugh. “I think I should get a few bonus rounds, considering you got all my truths for free.” 

“You volunteered those.” 

“Circumstances kind of forced my hand.” 

It was silent for a moment as Andrew studied him. 

“One free question then.” 

Just as Neil was about to argue Wymack returned to announce that the Foxes were waiting on the bus. As they walked to the door Neil turned to Andrew, “The fewer you give me the more you’ll hate what I ask.” 

“I already hate everything about you anyways,” he answered. “I won’t notice.” 

**Author's Note:**

> i cannot write if you made it to the end i sincerely apologize  
> imagine me posting a fic and i don’t apologize profusely for how bad it is will we live to see the day??


End file.
